A WOMAN..!!!

For I am the first and the last
I am the venerated and the despised
I am the prostitute and the saint
I am the wife and the virgin
I am the mother and the daughter
I am the arms of my mother
I am barren and my children are many
I am the married woman and the spinster
I am the woman who gives birth and she
who never procreated
I am the consolation for the pain of birth
I am the wife and the husband
and it was mY man who created me
I am the mother of my father
I am the sister of my husband
and he is my rejected son
always respect me
for I am the SHAMEFUL and the MAGNIFICENT one..!!





just happened to read this poem in one of the books i m reading....n juust luuuvvd it...its simpllyy beautiful...!!!

xpectations....

Expectations….how bad can they eva be…???? I neva thought of all this until I maself experienced the pain one can get by expecting high from oders…I hv realized tht d only one u can expect sumthin or everything is urself…u shld be n r always responsible for wateva u hv done and u can expect nethin only from urself because u will neva ditch ur own self…
Every1 in dis world is sad or hurt coz sumthin has not happnded accordin to their expections….be it thy din get wat thy expected…thy wer nnot luvd back as thy expected…thy din get d salary or promotion as expected…their frnds din react as thy expected…thy din get dat much support as expected…everythin is sumwer related to expectations….
I hv always seen maself dependant on oders emotionally….i get attached n start luving ne1 very easily…at evry step of ma life I hv seen maself being very much close to sum1 or d oder..n it has hurt me to core now…lately I hv decided to stop expecting nethin frm ne1…stop crying for oders wen thy don meet ma standards of expectations…y cant I understand that affection, care, love, frndship can neva be asked for ?????? tht I shld neva think wat I will get in return wen m giving ma fullest to ne relationship..?????? tht ppl in this world always think only for themselves 1st n y not, maybe I also would hv mean enough to hurt sum1???? Forgive me god if I hv don nethin so bad to ne1…
I don kno wats rong wid me…m I goin mad bout d ppl who hardly care bout me and sumtimes don’t evn kno tht m hurt…tht evrytime I see a person whos breakin ma heart by not meeting ma expections I feel bad…I cry…I sob…n everyone in ma life has done tht to me atleast once…n surprisingly the ppl I luvv n care about the most has done it more often…be it ma sister whom I luvvv d most n care bout d most is doin tht to me…be it ma frnzzz whom I hv always given undue importance…or be it d one I luv n expected him to do d same …every1 has simply been mean to me….maybe their rite in their own ways n maybe its ma fault in everything…
But wateva it is its all d fault of expectation…how I wish I had d heart which would not expect nething frm ne1…which would try to luvvvv n care bout evry1 I luvvv to d fullest but not expect nethin absolutely nething in return….soo all d pain..hurt…sorrow will vanish on their own….

an angel in disguise..

AN ANGEL

Who guides me when I m wrong,
Claps when I m happy,
Dances when I should be dancing,
Slaps me when I m stupid,
Treats me when I m low,
Shouts at me when I m mean,
Protects me when I m in danger,
Motivates me weneva i need tht extra courage...

now this is wat i needed wen i was goin through the worse phase of ma life....a person who understands me betta thn maself...who can fite wid the whole world for ma sake.... d onlyy person who can stop me weneva m rong...n make me understand tht m rong...n she always knos wat i want..how i want...wat m i thinkin....
i no she knos the pain i feel but i neva show...d things m goin through but neva disclose...d tears dat fall outta ma eyes but neva in front of her....d happiness i feel just wid ma voice....i neva need to tell her nethin...she simpllyyy knos it...[i kno tht u kno wat i sich till feel for dat dog but neva eva show it n u d only person who knos it n understands wat m goin through...i kno m not supposed to thank u but still THANXXXX for being sooooooooo nice wid me...n understandin me sooooo welll...]
she calls me "sarah" which means princess....n she acually does treat me lik tht....all ma sorrows vanish wen i hear tht frm u...m d ahppiest to kno tht sum1 realllyyy cares soooo much for me...tht fact glorifies me d most...!!!!!!!!
remember i was tellin u bout ma darkest secrets...the ones bout which m scared and neva disclose it to maself also but m tellin u....one of thm is :
"WAT IF I LOOSE U ONE DAY??? WAT IF A DAY CUMS WEN I WONT B ABLE TO TALK TO U??? WAT IF COZ OF TIME WE WILL BE SEPERATED N EITHER OF US WONT BE ABLE TO DO NETHIN BOUT IT?? WAT IF WE WILL HV TO SAY A FINAL GUDBYE TO EACHODA?? N WAT IF WE NEVA MEET AGAIN IN OUR WHOLE LIFE?"
just cant take d fact tht nethin lik this is gonna happen...just a small thought of sumthin lik this cums n tears just role outta ma eyes...how much scared i get by how much scared i get by this thougt... thts y i neva discuss this topic wid u...i cant explain in words how important u r to me...

but i hv decided if nethin lik this happns will go against ne1 just to b wid u...m neva gona leave u alone...m not goin to giv life a chance to part us..cum wat may...!!!!
sooo ma prayers to ma god tht pllllzzzzzz do nethin bt don eva tak ma angel tht he has sent in disguise frm me...wont be able to live d next moment...
luuuvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv u d most...muaaaaahhhhhhhhh...!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wat if love ditches me again?????

Love is in d air…everyone is falling in love..every1 is blushing wid sum name or d other…but I dunno wer m I goin… who do I want to like ???? the person about whom I was mad is mad behind sum1 else..is committed wid sum1 else for over 3 yrs now…THIS IS A FACT…hv to read it everyday…hv to make maself understand that this time m not goin to get what I want…what I crave for…n I cant do nething about it….this time all ma talent to get wat I want is not enough to get him…wat ever I doo…!!!
…is it my fault that I liked him soooooooo much..that his was the only face that I could see wherever I went…that he was d only guy after whom I hv not liked ne1 else….that still I don’t want to miss a single moment wen I can see him…I kno I cant get him nemore …ther r noo hopes that he will return but still wenevr he luks at me ther is sum hope tht sumday he may cum back n luvv me the way I luvvv him….that I can still see flashes of tht person n get lost in his thoughts…tht whatever he does I can never hate him..cant bear a scratch on him…a word spoken against him… that still the bottle I bought for him is the thing tht I cherish d most…tht still tears just roll out of ma eyes wen I think I cant get him n I hv lost him…y??????????????
Had heard many many things about love…but never thought of them being so true…’first love can never be forgotten’ was one of them..i thought time can make a person forget everything….but I don think tht will be the case wid me.. I seriously wonder that will I ever be able to fall in luve again?????? Will netime ma heart beat the same as it did for him???
I had told about him to almost every1…but aftr all this m scared to love ne1….m scared to give ne person d rite to hurt me..to make me cry n make me think of him d whole day…m scared to show ma love… ‘I love u soooo much n I need u to be wid me forever’…I want sum1 to tell me this…want sum1 to love me n hold me in all situations….but now don’t hv the guts to even lik sum1..forget askin…m scared wat if again I hv to face d same situation…wat if love ditches me again???????